||[Jun. 10th, 2008|02:35 pm]
an amateur historian
there is a light that never goes out... burning a hole inside of me.
sat through shaw's ethics class today. he was closing out the kierkegaard 'fear and trembling' lectures with and moving into nietzsche's 'genealogy of morals' by bringing in that fantastic epilogue where heraclitus and the unity of opposites comes in and it looks like everything has been tied together so well. holy crap, it's good to be back on campus. i sat there bewildered and mystified and tried to take it all in... i was awash. you know, i wish i had the ability to say beautiful things. i wish i heard them more often. and yes, i wish they were about me. i hate having my photo taken. i plan on dressing well come fall semester. like, with ties n shit. i've had a terrible time sleeping for the last while. i thought i had the problem kicked with that melatonin the good doctor recommended but now it's back and it seems to be loaded for bear. there's sadness. there's anxiety. there's fear. remember that rem album 'automatic for the people'? i like that. i just phoned up my mom to say hello. since my dad passed away and i took over the estate there has been a lot of unspoken tension between my siblings and mom and me. tired of their second-guessing, i stopped telling them what i'm up to. yes. there's sadness. there's anxiety. i'm trying to be patient selling the house. i'm trying to be patient in dealing with these businesses. i'm trying to be patient with my accountant and attorney and i haven't heard back from my aunts who said they were going to sue me. i like that pork and beans weezer video. i picked up the unabridged journals of sylvia plath again. and nicholson baker's size of thoughts. i was told today that i am not handling my flickr account well. i'm more relieved now that i have been able to sit down and peck away at this shit... to get this off my chest and onto the proverbial sheet of paper. i'm feeling much better. thank you for your time. you may now return to your local programming.
I think you do have the ability to say beautiful things. And recognize them too.
I wish I could lend a hand in the estate process. I can tell you this tho, in my line of business (that sounds so effing lame), the worst deals, the absolute worst have been settling of estates. I've even been forced to call the cops. So you are not alone. People get...out of their minds with the crazy insanity.
I hope I get to see you soon. Now that you are in the UVUla and I live down here. And the sun came out. And its green. Did you see it?? It's perhaps the best thing ever.
perhaps you're right: perhaps it is the greatest thing ever. thank you, g.
Because its not my home, its their home, and i'm welcome no more..
I am excited to have alan / ayn discussions about the smiths, and art, and life. And a life spent reading sylvia plath, isn't bad.
holy crap, you could not be more correct with that first line... at least right here right now the way i'm feeling right now.
can't. sleep. want. to. die.
i do hope we get to have said discussions... but from now on, you simply must spell my name correctly or i will go tone cold f***ing crazy on your ass.
THEN we will talk. about textiles too.
yeah, a life reading sylvia plath... it's not so bad. unless you're bummed out. then it can be.
old rem is the shit, dude.
Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
I'm not sure all these people understand.
It's not like years ago,
The fear of getting caught,
Of recklessness and water.
They cannot see me naked.
These things, they go away,
Replaced by everyday.
yes. yes they can be. the name though... that restaurant out there somewhere in georgia.
the name. that's what i like best i think.
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When youre sure youve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Dont let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.
Sometimes everything is wrong. now its time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think youve had too much of this life, well hang on.
Everybody hurts. take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. dont throw your hand. oh, no. dont throw your hand.
If you feel like youre alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If youre on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think youve had too much of this life to hang on.
Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. and everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. so, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. hold on, hold on. hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)
(everybody hurts. you are not alone.)
i'd like to think we're still friends, even if everything is different now.
of course we are, hil. of course we are.
My awesomely cool doctor says without good sleep, "You're toast. You're just toast!"
my doctor said the same thing to me today... maybe not the same way. but she did say the same thing.
Sophomore year of college was spent falling asleep every night listening to Automatic for the People with the love of my life.